electricland: (Rose bad hair)
One day I shall burst my bud of calm, and blossom into hysteria.
Quite soon now, I imagine. Feeling very unmoored and rudderless and drifting helpless on the stream of Life. What a wonderful thing is metaphor. It's summer. I don't seem to do well when the structure of my life changes. Oh wait -- my life has no structure. Never mind. This too shall pass, I expect.

meep

Jun. 8th, 2006 05:06 pm
electricland: (Rose bad hair)
In which the wisdom of attending to my to-do list is shown, again, in bright red letters two feet high.

Called the hotel to make sure they'd received my request for technical services (power and Internet hookup) at the booth. Nope. I sent it three weeks ago, so really I should've found this out before now. Oops.

Still, it may be a good thing really. I subscribe to the principle that if things seem to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something, and I'd been wondering what it was.

Cautious optimism prevails...
electricland: (Sigh no more)
Grace and equilibrium restored. [livejournal.com profile] raithen talked sense to me and [livejournal.com profile] crankygrrl gave me big hugs and my mother said "I don't see what you think you should have been doing -- it's our money."

I will stop being silly now.

Coffee!
electricland: (house plan)
Long one today. Read more... )
This is all very wonderful and I love that it's been sorted. Somehow I
feel about 6, however, and like Jen and I SHOULD be doing all this for
ourselves. And then I remember the uncomfortable family dynamics involved
if we try to do too much dictating to our respective parents or, worse
still, to our respective aunts and uncles, not to mention the general
disconnect between our stress levels at any given time and the resulting
difficulty of having a serious discussion about how to handle the rest of
the project, especially when Jen handles most of the money side of things.
And then I feel like a miserable ungrateful creature who doesn't deserve
such an awesome and generous and thoughtful family. I should probably get
over it, eh?
electricland: (me by ohi)
So I now have another* potential DVD double bill: Movies With Characters That Remind Other People Of Me.

Occasionally, [livejournal.com profile] moonlightjoy mentions that the title character in Kissing Jessica Stein reminds her of me. And today, [livejournal.com profile] raithen told me that the Toni Collette character in In Her Shoes reminded both her and her mother, independently, of me. I think this probably means I need to see them.

DISCLAIMER to [livejournal.com profile] moonlightjoy and [livejournal.com profile] raithen: the following is not meant to imply that you freaked me out, or that I don't appreciate being thought of, or was actually especially disturbed or anything, because that is not the case -- I just thought it was funny, and my brain being what it is, this is the direction it headed in.

Either way, this kind of intrigues/disturbs me if I think about it hard. I like to feel that I am unique and special (just like everyone else in the world). Movie characters so rarely remind me of anyone I know, so what is it about me? Why TWO movies? No, seriously, is this a good thing or does it mean that my personality is a mere pale knockoff of a couple of figments of a screenwriter's imagination? Please, share your thoughts! Has anyone ever told you that the main character in Alien, or Four Weddings and a Funeral, or Run Lola Run, or any other movie reminded them of you? And how did you take the news? And did you see the movie, and were they right? And am I just crazy?

*To go with my Summer of '05 Never Get On A Plane Again Ever double bill of Red Eye and Flight Plan.

aha

Jan. 15th, 2006 11:22 am
electricland: (don't panic)
The wonderful thing about my voicemail is that if I wait long enough, the messages just go away on their own.

Yes, I'm nuts. Although a surprising number of people I've mentioned it to have the same phobia.

ugh.

Dec. 16th, 2005 09:18 pm
electricland: (Rose bad hair)
That sick, guilty, I've-let-people-down feeling you get after you procrastinate? I have it now. I'm tired of it. Not just now, forever.

The problem is, I have such a hard time remembering what it feels like when I'm in the throes of the sick, anxious, oh-my-god-I-don't-want-to-deal-with-this-now feelings that lead me to procrastinate in the first place.

I never did follow up on counselling. Maybe now is the time.

Ugh.
electricland: (house plan)
caused me to sporfle )

It's all about the little plastic condoms.

Incidentally, I am still puttering away at my packing. Up to 47 boxes as of this morning, plus some stuff that isn't numbered. Disassembled my stereo. Will detach the DVD and VCR tonight. Mostly all that's left is the office corner, which looks like it should occupy about a box and a half but will undoubtedly make for about five boxes. I don't know why this should be so, but it usually is.

Here's the thing: I have moved a LOT in my life, but I hate it and I'm not good at it. Some people float around the globe living out of two suitcases for years, and they love it. I am not one of them. I accumulate Stuff, and books and clothes and kitchen appliances. At the same time, I'm not good at settling in: at some level, I seem to expect that another move is just around the corner, so what's the point? I live surrounded by boxes, never quite happy with my furniture, but unprepared to buy stuff that really works because I'm just going to move again.

Jen, by contrast (for example), doesn't have any of this. Her parents have lived in the same house her entire life and show no signs of wanting to change that.

I'm really hoping that living in a house I own, in the place I want to live, where I can do basically whatever I want with the place, will allow me to settle down and be calm and free up all this emotional energy for better things.

I explained some of this to [livejournal.com profile] crankygrrl over coffees yesterday evening and she said "Maybe that's why you've been so difficult ever since I've known you! It was low-grade stress! I always thought you liked living out of boxes!" She seems to think that I'm annoyed about this, but I think it's an entirely reasonable theory.

Lunchtime.

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