very very random

Whoa. Long day. Training session went very well, the clients are charming (and severely delayed by the snowstorm, so I managed to get work done... although not so much that I am not still here, 12 hours later).

Delivered my Module 1 beta (incomplete because client has been dragging feet on the tech specs for the Perl script... and I haven't had time to chase them properly because of the other 6 things on my plate... I hate this project, and I hate not having time to do anything right). It is not as nice as it could be, but it's nice enough for now, dammit. It's not like they care about the look of the damn thing ANYWAY.

Anyone else out there ever use Ektron's eWebEditPro? We are finding it to be a tool of the very devil. You enter code, it changes it. You have to check everything in Netscape because everything looks completely different (OK, that's just mean-spirited of me, we'd have to do that anyway, but still). On the other hand I did finally figure out how to create a form, should we need one.

Anyway, enough about work. I have to go home soon to pack for Philadelphia, anyway (oops... that's work). I'm getting very sick of going long distances to be ornamental in meetings. The plus side of Philadelphia is that because it's just overnight, it was actually cheaper to get two return tickets on different carriers, so I get a second trip to Philadelphia two weeks from now. I am using it to take a train to Baltimore and visit Heidi and Rock. I figure I deserve it.

Weekend was great. I have fallen severely down on the exercising (although my hotel, apparently, has a 24-hour gym... hmmm...). However, bought a fine backpack at MEC with P's help. Also a marble mortar and pestle. Getting everything home on the train about killed me, but didn't (all thanks to the backpack, actually, and a nice young man who hauled me and it upright when we threatened to overbalance -- naturally I neglected to follow up).

Observe that I am not at the pool tournament. Unfortunate, but I think in my present state beer's the last thing I need. Anyway 2 for 1 is over (hm, 2 mutually exclusive concepts there...).

Am wondering if I ought to be giving stuff up for Lent, and am inclined to think not. Well, other than spending money, which I'm trying to give up anyway. How come I get all these religious impulses when I'm an official heathen unbeliever? Probably early training -- you can't go to chapel every weekday for 5 years without something rubbing off on you, I s'pose. That and all my friends seem to be giving things up, and I want to join the privation party. (I give crankygrrl a week and a half on the coffee abstention, longer if she's allowed tea.)

My building has been sold, and the new landlords expect me to give them a 26.3% rent increase starting July 1st. This would be hysterical if all the boring mechanisms of seeing the tenants' rights guy, finding out my rights, rejecting the proposed increase (the Regie, incidentally, suggests a maximum of 1.6% this year if major renovations haven't been done, which they haven't), going before a tribunal etc. didn't promise to be such a BLOODY PAIN. But at least we the outraged tenants are all in this together.

Romance, misery, crushes, etc.

Largely self-centred rambling follows.

Many of my friends appear to be going through some kind of romantic trauma at the moment. Which made the following pop up in my head (doncha hate that?).

I would love to be the kind of person who can leap into a relationship without having it have to All Mean Something. Many people of my acquaintance seem to date easily, indeed effortlessly; if they break up with someone they have no problems finding another likely prospect. They, unlike me, don't appear to be holding out for their One True Love, Soulmate, Whatever.

It's not that I want to be so bloody picky. It would even be nice to be able to have no-strings sex. It really would. I just don't seem able to manage it.

Does anyone else out there have trouble getting their brain and their hormones lined up in the same direction? I do. Enormous trouble. Lots of days I'm all keen to jump some nice-looking boy, then I discover we have nothing to talk about, the brain exercises its veto, and we don't go there any more. Or I'll meet a guy that I can gab to by the hour, but in the unlikely event that he's available, the hormones just aren't interested. On the very rare occasions that brain and hormones cooperate, their object generally isn't interested. At least I seem to have finally learned (late) not to leap into things because I'm flattered by the attention or because I need a man and I'm not paying enough attention. (Moral high ground, restraint, dignity, etc., all good -- unfortunately, very little sex.)

I'm not sure how it's possible that all of the above can be true of the same person, but such is the case.

My last major painful embarrassing crush lasted almost two years and actually started off as brain, no hormones, see above. Liked the accent (Irish), enjoyed the company, but no attraction at all. Then one day after I'd known and worked with him about 6 months he changed his glasses and I noticed that I really liked the way his hair grew down to a point at the nape of his neck and that was it. I started going weak at the knees when I heard his voice (and believe me, when your desk is next to his, that's often). I lusted. A lot. Especially while drinking with him, which usually involved singing with him once we'd got enough Sleeman's into us. Don't know how well I concealed this from the raft of co-workers and friends that were usually around. But anyway.

The thing is, it wasn't just lust, or I didn't think it was at the time. I wanted to be with him, hang out, go for walks, watch videos, talk, laugh, be affectionate, neck, the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I won't go into gory details about how everything panned out. Suffice it to say, I'm sure to no-one's surprise, that we did not become an item.

What I remember most vividly about the whole sorry business, though, is how one evening he told me about his friendship with/attraction to another girl (also a co-worker), how well they got on, how they could talk on the phone basically forever. It was so agonizingly painful to know that he'd rather be spending time with someone else than with me, that some other girl had that mental connection I wanted. I was jealous as hell, and miserable -- one night they came to a company hockey game together, having been somewhere else first, and I left when the game was over and went home and cried half the night. I'd listen to the intimate tone of his voice talking to friends on the phone and be nearly paralyzed with longing. Illogical? Stupid? You betcha. I told myself that at the time, but it didn't remotely help.

In the interests of full disclosure... the lust was acted on. A few times. I really don't recommend getting drunk with the guy you have a crush on and convincing yourself that either (a) this time will be The Time He Sees The Light or (b) you can just bounce back from this one, it's just sex, you're a grown-up, you're over him... it does not work at all well, or at least it didn't for me.

The good news? I've recovered. I really have. It took a long time (two YEARS? what was I thinking?) and it's taken me a while to realize it, but I'm cured. (The bad news? I'm BLOODY SINGLE with no immediate prospects. Spring must be nigh if this is a concern. Ah well.)

But does everyone go through this from time to time? Or is it me? I mean, does every hemi-demi-semi relationship mean I have to agonize like it's the end of the bloody world? And if so, why? And even if it doesn't, why do I always have to think everything to death?

I think I still have a ways to go in my psychosexual development. But I'm working on it.

Coffee watch

All right then... because someone asked for it... here's the book. [Cue dramatic music] How long will crankygrrl -- Tim Horton 24-ounce-cup drinker, former Starbucks barista, and not to put too fine a point on matters, caffeine addict -- manage to keep her Lenten coffee fast? How long will she live in austerity before the withdrawal pangs kick in, the delicious scent of Timmie's finest blend wafting down the hall becomes too much for her, and she breaks? [Crescendo] Can she do it? And if so... [Music goes totally nuts] for how long?

Easter, may I remind you, is 46 long days away.

Place your bets, please. The line forms on the right. No shoving. What do you get if you win? Errrr... I'm not sure. I'll think of something.

(Note that crankygrrl, by default, is assumed to be going with the "she makes it to Easter!" bet.)

Many of you seem depressed.

Therefore, I believe it's time to share some of the contents of the Favorites folder labelled Happiness and Joy (the reference is, of course, a Kirsty song, which come to think of it is also an excellent pick-me-up).

1. Item: the ACME License Maker (unfortunately, no remote linking)


2. Item: the Canadian World Domination site


3. Item: the PenguinCam, which I have posted before, but they just changed the interface


4. Item: ReasonablyClever.com, home of the Mini-Mizer, the Lego Tarot Deck, and other amusements


5. Item: a site claiming to be the world's best bubble wrap home page -- let me know if it's true -- it does feature virtual bubble wrap, always handy if you can't get the real thing


6. Item: the Hero Machine

I didn't put the South Park Character Creator in there, 'cause I reckoned you'd probably all have it.

Tomorrow's links will be brought to you by How To Run Your Life (honestly, I have work-related folders in there too... really, Health - Search Engines and Diseases and Specialties and Web Stuff and Dictionaries and all kinds of things -- really).

And if that doesn't work, I'll bring out the big guns -- At Random.