okaaaay...

[electricland]

Pre-holiday stress has kicked in with a vengeance. One of the editors is away, so that project's not moving except for the ever-increasing list of image corrections; the writer on two of my other projects has been taken off them and the editor didn't bother to let me know. I just spent half an hour renumbering endnotes, my favourite pastime, because there's nobody else to do it. I still don't know who's going to be covering for me and my boss has been in meetings all afternoon.

FUUUCK. Somebody tell me a silly joke, wouldja?

Comments

[ex-mthrtong.livejournal.com]

So, a long time ago way back in the woods, a newlywedded couple takes the traditional horse & buggy ride from the church to their new home. They're going along just fine, and then the horse trips on a rock. The man says 'woah!' and pulls the reins, gets out and points his finger at the horse and says, 'that's one.' They ride along for a quarter mile or so when the horse trips again. The man pulls the rein, says 'woah!' gets out and points at the horse and says, 'that's two.' They ride along for just a little bit more, not even a tenth of a mile, when the horse trips again. The man pulls the reins, gets out of the buggy with his gun and shoots the horse dead. The wife says to him, 'what are you, crazy? what are we going to do now? how will we get home?' the man points at her and says, 'that's one.'

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Yowza!

Thanks... scarier than I was expecting, but definitely diverting!

[ex-mthrtong.livejournal.com]

How about a turkey joke from the Farmer's Almanac, then.

Did you hear about the conservative turkey? It had two right wings!

Ba-dum-bum!

[cretkid.livejournal.com]

two men walked into a bar...

the third one ducked.

[pariah-ink.livejournal.com]

Variation on a theme:

Two men walked into a bar...

The third one used the door.

[bryghtboy.livejournal.com]

A big burly biker in leathers is walking along one day, and he happens to notice a hair salon out of the corner of his eye. Stopping to think about it, he walks in much to the surprise of the owner. Being a very small woman she feels a little intimidated by this 6 foot plus biker. With a growl he asks "You cut women's hair here right?" ... the owner quaveringly answers "Why, yes we do..." ... The biker gives her a big toothy grin, leans down and points at something stuck in his teeth. "Could you cut this one?"

[ex-mthrtong.livejournal.com]

ohhhhhh! horrrrrrible! *grin*

[bryghtboy.livejournal.com]

Why thank you :)

[mrs-cake.livejournal.com]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/mindrobber

{{anti-stress}}

[raithen.livejournal.com]

All will be fine. Projects will survive without you for a few days. Cell phone will be confiscated. Email checking carefully monitored. Riding will be done. Fun will be had :D.

And, to help you in the meantime:

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse

1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.


More fun at Equerry

and this time you asked, so I am NOT evil-distracto girl. For once. :D

Re: {{anti-stress}}

[raithen.livejournal.com]

one more:

A horseback riding trip had been orgainzed and everyone was going through the orientation, i.e. "anyone ever ridden (seen?) a horse before?", etc.

Everyone's told: "It's simple. The horses are all neck rein trained. Hold the reins in one hand. To turn left, move the reins left. To turn right, move the reins right. If you pull back on the reins, the horse will slow down, then back up. To make the horse go, kick gently."

At this point, someone exclaims: "Oh, I get it, it's a point and kick user interface."