Incidentally.

[electricland]

According to the poll results, this season's favoured attitude for the single girl will be "Sarcastic Bitch". Excellent, I can handle that (although I may need to take a slightly different approach with my grandmother). The poll's still open if you want to invalidate this entire post.

The top single response to the question "So why don't you have a boyfriend?" was "Gee, I don't know. I assume there must be something wrong with me." (This in fact was my own pick, so it's good to hear I'm on the right track.)

Other answers that found favour with the judges included:

• "I've taken a vow of celibacy."
• "I don't know, actually, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."
• "Men are afraid of me."
• "I'm afraid of men."
• and the ever-popular "Because actually, underneath my clothes, my entire body is covered with scales."

Among the splendid write-in responses:

• "I'm too busy for boys. They are a hassle!"
• "Mr. Right is hiding from me"
• "They keep dyin' on me."
• "Why are you fat?" or "What percentage of your income do you give to charity?" or "Why did Dave divorce you, anyway?"

Some respondents suggested a variety of options that may prove more or less useful, depending on gender and/or sexual preference:

• "I'm straight."
• "I have a girlfriend"
• "I'm queer as a saran-wrap doorpost, and therefore have no boy because penises are not my friend."

And moonlightjoy offered this handy all-purpose tip: "I just shrug and look all cute and innocent."

Comments

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

I firmly believe one rude question deserves another.

Bwah.

[whimcomic.livejournal.com]

Rightly so! *cheers*

... I keep forgetting I'm not, technically, single, so I can't use these fine feathered faux pas. Now I want to, just for the sake of gleeful justification of my normal sarcastic bitchiness.

[electricland.livejournal.com]

If only I could think them up on the spot... unfortunately, I seem to be better at sarcasm than at retaliatory rudeness.

Oh, who am I kidding? Most of this will only take place in my head. I'll have to practice really really hard to break out of my normal pathetic foot-shuffling "um, I just don't meet that many people and I'm really busy" response. (Which has led my mother to delicately suggest I look for another job. Aaargh.)

Practice. Practice.

[emjayne.livejournal.com]

I hear ya. As I move further into the scary territory of the mid-twenties, the 'do you have a bf' question is more frequently followed by 'my (insert progeny's name here) got engaged this summer!'

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Eeeek! Bringing out the engaged-progeny ammo just isn't fair.

And you know, most of the time being single really doesn't worry me (appearances in this journal to the contrary). I quite like many aspects of it. I get to have my (smallish) apartment to myself and read as much as I like and not feel all that guilty if the place is a tip and come and go as I please without consulting someone else. Also, a bonus for Christmas, I don't have to go through Finding-A-Present-For-My-Significant-Other hell (as I was reminded this afternoon).

And as a married friend reminds me from time to time, enjoy the benefits of a single life while you got it...

[blue71canoe.livejournal.com]

I bought the handy little book called: "Even God is Single (so stop giving me a hard time.)" It provides 26 responses to the question.

I think my fave is:

"There's less of a need for marriage now than there was centuries (or even decades) ago, when marriage represented financial rescue for a woman. Now I, as a modern day broad, can gain: money, influence, identity, status, and stability all on my own--and not through a man. Meaning? I now have the freedom to hold out for a spouse who will be more than a walking wallet, but a best friend who knows how to find both my G-spot and the baby's diaper bag. In other words, it's a case of: I think, therefore...I am single."

Yup. That pretty much says it as far as I'm concerned. Only, I'm not so sure about that diaper bag bit!