feels like a milestone...

[electricland]

...and a weight off my shoulders.*

I called up McGill and asked them to reset my password so I could access my student records (it's been a long, looooooong time since I knew my MARS password). Looking at my transcript was like a 1-minute roller-coaster ride through undergrad, and it took a while for my heartbeat to return to normal.

I don't remember every single course, naturally, but I do remember each year very vividly. First year plain sailing. Second year a couple of hiccups (which at that time meant two B-), but still good. Third year I actually encountered a couple of subjects I couldn't master at one glance, and started to fall apart -- there's a supplemental exam in there, and a D and a C+ and an F. Then it all goes to hell.

Fourth year: catastrophe (there were long stretches where I didn't go to class, and I'm sure I only managed that respectable mark in my honours project out of pity) -- grades ar all over the map, there's two Fs, a D, an Absent and a Deferred in which I eventually got a C+. Shudder.

Then there's a year-long gap, during which I interned at a now-defunct national magazine, spent a lot of time in my room, got on my parents' nerves, and finally worked at Cineplex Odeon. I highly recommend this last as a spur to finishing your degree.

Final year: straight As. Well, two A- (which considering one is for a lab course I'd failed once and then been AWOL for during most of the following semester, shows remarkable forbearance on the part of the supervisor -- stilldeepwater, you remember Dr. Wilcek?). Hah. See, McGill? I can do it if I want to. Take that. And graduation. Finis.

raithen has just put to rest some 3? 4? (how long is it since I began to contemplate going back to school?) years of angst about how those last two years will look to admissions committees ("they will likely ask about them at an interview, then move on.... :D"). On the downside, I suppose this means I now have to rely on my application-writing talents rather than the brilliance of my transcript. Eek.

It seems silly, writing about it, but it does feel like one more demon stomped on.

*I suppose milestones are weights. Perhaps I've passed the milestone and taken the weight off my shoulders to rest for a bit. Does that mean I have to pick it up again, or can I just bury part of what's in the backpack and not think about it again? Can I beat a metaphor to death or what?

Comments

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Let it go, regardless.

And congratulations for taking that step, both of looking at your transcript, dealing with the things it brought up, and being willing to move onto the next step!

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's going in my list of accomplishments for the day, right up with making coffee. ;)









No, really, I'm serious.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Dude, my list of things to do yesterday included everything from doing my taxes and updating my resume to buying cat food and taking out the trash. I'm right there with ya baby!

Repressed memories

[stilldeepwater.livejournal.com]

Hah, just read the Scientific American article and that ties in nicely with this topic. Dr. Wilczek! I was really scared of her! I got into trouble with her on a couple of occasions and remained in dread of her for the rest of the year. In the spirit of things, I pulled out my McGill transcript to have a look at it and...ack! My academic performance could best be described as "erratic". I still blush to look at the marks I got in the last semester. Memories of 4th year come rushing back! Rough year...remember Whitehead in Quantum 1? Stat Mech with Eu? I took the phys. chem and analytical chem. labs together that year, talk about suicidal! However, I recall long stretches of boredom in the phys. chem lab and coming over to where you were stationed and chatting. So that was a good memory ;-) But yeah! In my book, your final year with the straight A's is what counts, and any prof interviewing you should be able to spot that.

Re: Repressed memories

[raithen.livejournal.com]

your final year with the straight A's is what counts, and any prof interviewing you should be able to spot that.


What she said, R.

Yup. Uh huh. And EXACTLY. Despite what the world tries to tell us, people aren't looking for perfection, they are looking for people who can deal with difficulty and overcome it. As Mom reminded me yesterday (as I recounted the meltdown): you are gonna fuck up. So why get so upset about it? Deal with it and move on. Wish I had that kind of emotional maturity, but it will come.

So YAY you for taking a HUGE step in that direction - not just the once, before you went back, but twice, by facing your fears now. yay R!

Re: Repressed memories

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

Was thinking about all this some more last night and this morning. I feel like I'm obsessing about it a bit, and it must be rather boring for everyone, but all my life things have really been pretty easy, and I've been praised for doing things that come naturally -- most people think of math and physics and chemistry as really hard, but I never found them so (well, until I hit stat mech!), so I got a lot of praise and petting and reward for, really, doing something that wasn't difficult or a lot of work for me. I was never really challenged in high school, and it was easy for me to please others by doing what I feel, really, was almost the minimum. (Obviously I WASN'T doing the minimum -- that would be nothing -- but handing in assignments on time, or doing them at the last minute, or passing exams, was always really simple.)

And because I never really failed at anything I think I developed this reluctance to try things that might be challenging, or difficult, or that I might not succeed at first go, or that don't come with instruction manuals. And really I still have it -- all my jobs have more or less fallen into my lap.

Objectively I KNOW this perception is probably not entirely true, but this is how I feel. I think this is why I'm having trouble getting started with striking out into the unknown.

[whimcomic.livejournal.com]

Eeep. Your Math/Physics/Science sounds a bit like my undergrad's been in reverse. Too good for my own good at English, Art, Critical Theory, etc.

I'm glad you're doing well now, and have put aside the vampire of uni. It gives me some small hope that one day soon I will do the same.

Re: Repressed memories

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Egads, remember those back-to-back Stat Mech and Quantum II classes? We used to flee to the Burnside snack bar and dissect the weekend's X-Files on the break. Good times...

Looking at my transcript it appears it took me 2 tries to crack Stat Mech and 3 for Quantum II. Good God.

I was terrified of Dr. Wilczek too, but she was actually incredibly sweet to me -- it took me a long time to realize that when she said "Just hand in the lab and I'll mark it", she MEANT it! And in spades too. I think everyone was just so relieved to see me back that they didn't want to be too mean to me...

and one more thing...

[stilldeepwater.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're feeling unburdened!!

[keyef.livejournal.com]

*Evil grin*

Your fault for choosing *shudder* chemistry =P










No?

Okay, maybe not.