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electriclandI am way too fond of my couch.
OK, actually it's a futon. Anyway. Here I sit with the following in easy reach:
- the phone
- my library book ("Castle Rouge" by Carole Nelson Douglas -- Irene's back! yaaay!)
- the remains of a chocolate orange
- a mini bottle of champagne (yeah, I'll get to that)
- the remote for the CD player
- a whole bunch of cushions and a blanket
- and of course this laptop
Theoretically, I can stay right here until Doomsday, or at least until I get hungry or thirsty or need to go to the bathroom. Good? Bad? Do I need a life? You be the judge.
It's been quite a week and I've been on something of an emotional rollercoaster albeit in my own small way, and setting aside the fact that I didn't exactly recognize it as such until I sat down to think about it. I've definitely fallen down badly on the New Year's resolutions, although we forgive ourselves and move on, of course... To recap:
Last weekend. Mainly stressed over the workshop we'd been preparing which was now out of my hands and in Orlando. Saw "Talk to Her" with Esther. Was fed by family and friends. Stressed some more, although the insomnia seems to have passed.
Monday. Continued to stress. Spoke to client and other vendors in Orlando, all of whom seemed calm and confident. Must've done other things, and I'm going to have to work out what for my timesheet. Oh yes, got the dreaded emergency project dumped on me. This involves working with the IT group, specifically Iain, who I like and who does good work, and Bruno, who... let's say he's a good MIS director and leave it at that, shall we? Nice dimples. Foolishly didn't enquire at the start as to the extent of my responsibilities -- assumed William and Bruno would be supervising to see the work got done in time. Mistake. Bad that none of us was able to look squarely at the situation and say "OK, here's what we can do, here's what we can't do right now." Could've been done on Wednesday if we hadn't kept on believing the solution was right around the corner. Nobody's fault exactly, but as the project manager in the bunch I should've recognized the situation. Next time.
(Yeah, that's more than Monday.)
Rest of the week things gradually resolved themselves. Wednesday I asserted myself to a client and she was entirely reasonable, which was a GREAT feeling. Thursday I actually felt quite productive. Info we've been trying to drag out of the Tiresome Association for six months gradually started to appear, I shipped the final (?! please?) build of the Project from Hell, Inara gave me a module... stuff was getting done and I wasn't even doing all of it. Plus ecstatic phone call from the workshop client saying everything went really really well, which is lovely to hear and all too rare. There was also the passionate debate on sex ed going on here, which was kind of cool.
At the same time, though, increasing feeling of anxiety, doom, I don't know... world seemingly going to hell,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
crankygrrl sick, three PMs leaving (Cindy didn't surprise me, Stacey not very much, but Alex was a shock... I worked with her when I first arrived, learned a lot from her, will really miss her), Jetsun's dad dying (must write note). Etc.
Friday. Spiraling tension over IT project. Conference call with dissatisfied client who by the way has NO cause to be such but wants a discount anyway.
Worst, Daddy told me my cousin Mari-Ellen's cancer has recurred. Partly felt guilty because didn't know this when I had dinner at the Bishops'... but mostly feel very scared, and angry, and helpless. He forwarded her email -- very upbeat as always but there's no getting around the fact that cancerous lesions on the lungs and liver and bone are very, very bad. (The good news, apparently, is it's estrogen-receptor positive so should respond to hormone therapy.)
Hard to know what to think or say or do.
I went to Mass at St-Leon de Westmount -- it proved to be in French, quite soothing that way. (For anyone out there who doesn't know me and therefore hasn't fallen down in shock yet, I am not Catholic. I'm not even baptized, in fact, and my approach to things of the spirit is still something I'm working on. But Mari-Ellen is, and I figured it couldn't hurt. God probably won't mind that a heathen unbeliever lit a candle for her, either.)
Also on the positive side, if anyone I know can beat metastasized breast cancer, she can. I've never met anyone so upbeat (seems to be a family trait, I met two of her sisters last weekend). On paper she's awful -- a pretty brilliant little blonde MBA, simply calculated to make the rest of us feel hopelessly inferior. In person, though, she's absolutely wonderful -- funny, passionate, warm, instantly likeable, one of those people who make others feel better about themselves.
Anyway, I am trying to think positively about all this.
The fact that I've been reading A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry (unfortunate Oprah's Book Club edition, Megan gave it to me for Christmas 2001 and I only just got to it) may also have been affecting me more than I realized. Finished it this morning. It's marvellous, but there's no getting around the fact that it's a tragedy -- even the happy parts, of which there are many, are coloured by violence and poverty and misery.
Think said emotional rollercoaster was probably why I got a bit snarky on the Spacecast board last night... bad. Hope I didn't mortally offend anyone. Ah well.
There is clearly no point letting this dominate my life. All the same, having a hard time progressing. Was going to comment on the progress of my resolutions as I recall, but won't just now.
Tomorrow: tea with Esther and Karen. Ski shop? Bake?
OK, actually it's a futon. Anyway. Here I sit with the following in easy reach:
- the phone
- my library book ("Castle Rouge" by Carole Nelson Douglas -- Irene's back! yaaay!)
- the remains of a chocolate orange
- a mini bottle of champagne (yeah, I'll get to that)
- the remote for the CD player
- a whole bunch of cushions and a blanket
- and of course this laptop
Theoretically, I can stay right here until Doomsday, or at least until I get hungry or thirsty or need to go to the bathroom. Good? Bad? Do I need a life? You be the judge.
It's been quite a week and I've been on something of an emotional rollercoaster albeit in my own small way, and setting aside the fact that I didn't exactly recognize it as such until I sat down to think about it. I've definitely fallen down badly on the New Year's resolutions, although we forgive ourselves and move on, of course... To recap:
Last weekend. Mainly stressed over the workshop we'd been preparing which was now out of my hands and in Orlando. Saw "Talk to Her" with Esther. Was fed by family and friends. Stressed some more, although the insomnia seems to have passed.
Monday. Continued to stress. Spoke to client and other vendors in Orlando, all of whom seemed calm and confident. Must've done other things, and I'm going to have to work out what for my timesheet. Oh yes, got the dreaded emergency project dumped on me. This involves working with the IT group, specifically Iain, who I like and who does good work, and Bruno, who... let's say he's a good MIS director and leave it at that, shall we? Nice dimples. Foolishly didn't enquire at the start as to the extent of my responsibilities -- assumed William and Bruno would be supervising to see the work got done in time. Mistake. Bad that none of us was able to look squarely at the situation and say "OK, here's what we can do, here's what we can't do right now." Could've been done on Wednesday if we hadn't kept on believing the solution was right around the corner. Nobody's fault exactly, but as the project manager in the bunch I should've recognized the situation. Next time.
(Yeah, that's more than Monday.)
Rest of the week things gradually resolved themselves. Wednesday I asserted myself to a client and she was entirely reasonable, which was a GREAT feeling. Thursday I actually felt quite productive. Info we've been trying to drag out of the Tiresome Association for six months gradually started to appear, I shipped the final (?! please?) build of the Project from Hell, Inara gave me a module... stuff was getting done and I wasn't even doing all of it. Plus ecstatic phone call from the workshop client saying everything went really really well, which is lovely to hear and all too rare. There was also the passionate debate on sex ed going on here, which was kind of cool.
At the same time, though, increasing feeling of anxiety, doom, I don't know... world seemingly going to hell,
crankygrrl sick, three PMs leaving (Cindy didn't surprise me, Stacey not very much, but Alex was a shock... I worked with her when I first arrived, learned a lot from her, will really miss her), Jetsun's dad dying (must write note). Etc.Friday. Spiraling tension over IT project. Conference call with dissatisfied client who by the way has NO cause to be such but wants a discount anyway.
Worst, Daddy told me my cousin Mari-Ellen's cancer has recurred. Partly felt guilty because didn't know this when I had dinner at the Bishops'... but mostly feel very scared, and angry, and helpless. He forwarded her email -- very upbeat as always but there's no getting around the fact that cancerous lesions on the lungs and liver and bone are very, very bad. (The good news, apparently, is it's estrogen-receptor positive so should respond to hormone therapy.)
Hard to know what to think or say or do.
I went to Mass at St-Leon de Westmount -- it proved to be in French, quite soothing that way. (For anyone out there who doesn't know me and therefore hasn't fallen down in shock yet, I am not Catholic. I'm not even baptized, in fact, and my approach to things of the spirit is still something I'm working on. But Mari-Ellen is, and I figured it couldn't hurt. God probably won't mind that a heathen unbeliever lit a candle for her, either.)
Also on the positive side, if anyone I know can beat metastasized breast cancer, she can. I've never met anyone so upbeat (seems to be a family trait, I met two of her sisters last weekend). On paper she's awful -- a pretty brilliant little blonde MBA, simply calculated to make the rest of us feel hopelessly inferior. In person, though, she's absolutely wonderful -- funny, passionate, warm, instantly likeable, one of those people who make others feel better about themselves.
Anyway, I am trying to think positively about all this.
The fact that I've been reading A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry (unfortunate Oprah's Book Club edition, Megan gave it to me for Christmas 2001 and I only just got to it) may also have been affecting me more than I realized. Finished it this morning. It's marvellous, but there's no getting around the fact that it's a tragedy -- even the happy parts, of which there are many, are coloured by violence and poverty and misery.
Think said emotional rollercoaster was probably why I got a bit snarky on the Spacecast board last night... bad. Hope I didn't mortally offend anyone. Ah well.
There is clearly no point letting this dominate my life. All the same, having a hard time progressing. Was going to comment on the progress of my resolutions as I recall, but won't just now.
Tomorrow: tea with Esther and Karen. Ski shop? Bake?
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Date: 2003-01-18 11:18 pm (UTC)As for the work stress. Breathe. Let it go. Deal with it while you are there, and do your best to let it go when you aren't there. ok, yes, this coming from me, the original stress-monkey.
As for the resolutions -- don't worry. Live your life. You have bigger fish to fry. Try to find healthy coping mechanisms to clarify, IMNSHO chocolate and champagne in moderation have their place as coping mechanisms. And look at your Journal entry -- you did SOOOOOO much that was good this week!!!
So, remember we are here, and always ready to listen. YOu can call, email, try to snag on MSN, whatever. And if you just need time, you can tell those of us with Mother issues to sod off! ;) And I prescribe some upbeat reading for you!
I will close with a quote from a medieval mystic:
We wear our everyday work closthes when we are healthy.
And, when we are ill, our bridal dress.
Mechthild of Magdeburg
P.
Re: {{{{HUGS}}}}
Date: 2003-01-19 09:37 am (UTC)Rest and sleep have calmed me down somewhat. Like I say, it's really only in retrospect that my week turned into the thing of turmoil that I posted up there. Didn't seem all that bad at the time! I'm fine.
Yes, damn that Rohinton Mistry for depressing me anyway... not sure Irene Adler vs. Jack the Ripper is precisely what the doctor ordered as light reading, but it's definitely different.
Talk soon!