dissatisfaction

[electricland]

As Herself mentioned, I'm feeling a little low.

Also, I had yet another life-changing revelation in the shower this morning. I'm getting a little tired of these. It is this:

I have spent the last 5 years, i.e. the second half of my twenties, in suspended animation. I've been telling myself I'm not staying in Montreal long so there's not much point getting involved in things, making friends etc. (I have some friends, of course, but I'm really pretty damn solitary.) I mean, there's a girl at work who's been in the city TWO years and she's already engaged and has bought a house for God's sake!

I am worried that if I don't watch it I'll spend the next 5 years poised to leap but never leaping, and thus cutting myself off from all sorts of things that might enrich my life. Like, you know, getting involved in the community. And meeting people. And boyfriends.

Now, while I don't want to give you the idea that I believe wholeheartedly in this astrology business, because I don't, nevertheless Rob usually has good advice, and this was last Wednesday's:

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I'm at a loss to understand why Juneteenth isn't one of America's major holidays. Observed every June 19, it celebrates the emancipation of African-American slaves in the 1860s. Shouldn't it be a time of rejoicing for every race? When one group of people is held in bondage, the lives of all others are distorted. The same is true about the community of sub-personalities that resides within you. When one aspect of your multifaceted psyche is weak and oppressed, the rest suffer, too -- even the supposedly healthy sides of you. I bring this up, Scorpio, because the astrological omens say your own liberation day is nigh. It's time to free every part of you that is in chains.

General consensus appears to be that I am suffering from Severe Thirties-Related Birthday Panic (thank you Bridget Jones), not that my birthday's for another 4 months but that seems about the size of it. Makes a certain amount of sense. I have also received lots of good solid advice (thanks, you know who you are), which I really need to print out and stick on my bathroom mirror. Mostly I think this is something I'll have to work through for myself. At least the weather's nice for it.

Um, that's all really. Getting out of here now.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

30 schmirty. Happy writing, freezies, whatever!

P.

I know how you feel. Really

[mindrobber.livejournal.com]

You're not alone. I have spent the last six or seven years as a transient - by choice, grant you - but I've found it hard to feel as though I'm at home anywhere. I keep putting things on hold because there's this nagging voice inside me that says I'll just be moving on again. It's only after more than two years here in TO that I'm finally starting to think I might make my home here, even though my current work situation is shedding doubts on that right now. I'm not sure I would have survived it without already knowing mr_weasel and thebitterguy. I've recently met others too that I can't imagine not knowing before.

I think volunteering at the Fringe was a good step. You got that book club thing going. Montreal is a really kewl city to be in. If you were stuck in Regina the whole situation would be more clear cut. :P

I have no idea if this helps or not, but I just couldn't let this post go answered.

Re: I know how you feel. Really

[electricland.livejournal.com]

I think it helps. And you're so right about Regina...

thanks.